How to Love Someone You Disagree With
There is someone in your life whose views make you want to immediately leave the room. Maybe it's a family member sitting across the Thanksgiving table, their opinions spilling like gravy onto the conversation. Or perhaps it's a coworker in the breakroom whose words make you clench your fists under the table. It could even be a voice on your social media feed, popping up with comments that sting more than you expect. They hold political, social, or theological opinions that you do not just find incorrect; you find them deeply offensive. Every time they speak, your heart rate elevates, your defenses shoot up like a fortress wall, and you find yourself mentally drafting a brilliant argument to tear their position apart.
You're not alone in feeling this. We live in a culture that explicitly teaches us to despise the people we disagree with. Everywhere you turn, the message is the same: cancel them, cut them off, and retreat to your echo chamber where everyone thinks exactly like you do. It's easier, safer, and far less exhausting. But the gospel of Jesus Christ demands something entirely different. It invites you into a way of living that is countercultural, counterintuitive, and arguably one of the hardest things He asks of you.
The Radical Command
Jesus did not give you the option to only love the people who align with your worldview. In the Sermon on the Mount, He delivered a command that flipped the ancient world upside down: "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:44-45).
This is not a suggestion to be filed under "nice ideas" or "good intentions." It is a mandate from the One who understands your struggles better than anyone else. You do not have to agree with someone to love them. Jesus loved people He vehemently disagreed with. Remember when He washed the feet of Judas, the one who would betray Him? Think about how He healed the servant of the Roman centurion, an agent of the empire occupying His homeland. And above all, He poured out His life for humanity while we were still actively rebelling against Him (Romans 5:8). That's love that goes beyond feelings--it's a choice, a commitment, and a reflection of the heart of God.
When you hold that truth close, you realize loving someone you disagree with isn't about watering down your beliefs or pretending everything is okay. It's about stepping into a posture of grace, humility, and radical kindness, even when every fiber of your being wants to do the opposite.
Practical Tools for Hard Tables
So how do you actually do this in real life? How do you love someone when their words sting and their views clash so sharply with yours? The first step is changing your objective. When you engage with someone you disagree with, your primary goal must shift from winning an argument to understanding a human being.
The book of James offers a wise prescription: be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger" (James 1:19). This isn't just good advice; it's a spiritual discipline. Instead of sharpening your rebuttal while they are talking, try pressing pause on your own agenda. Ask genuine questions like, "Can you tell me what experiences led you to that conclusion?" or "What's been the hardest part about holding this view for you?" When you do this, you start to find the human fear, hope, or history behind their rigid political or social position.
Imagine sitting across from someone and realizing their opinions are tied to real pain or deep longing. Maybe their stance is shaped by a story of loss, insecurity, or a desire to protect their loved ones. You don't have to compromise your convictions to treat another person with absolute dignity. Loving them means recognizing their humanity and meeting them there.
This doesn't mean you ignore your own boundaries or beliefs. You can hold your convictions firmly while still choosing kindness and respect. It's a paradox: standing strong in truth, yet soft in love. This posture opens doors for dialogue instead of slamming them shut. It invites the possibility of genuine connection in the midst of disagreement.
The Transformation of Prayer
The most powerful tool you have for loving difficult people is the one Jesus explicitly mentioned: prayer. I'm not talking about praying that God would fix them and make them agree with you. That kind of prayer often reveals more about your own frustration than it does about God's heart. Instead, I'm talking about praying specific, rich blessings over their lives. Pray for their family, their health, and their peace.
When you commit to praying for someone you strongly dislike, something extraordinary begins to happen within you. It's very rare that their opinions immediately change, but your own heart starts to soften. The contempt, bitterness, or anger you've been carrying begins to melt away. It becomes impossible to fiercely hate someone while you are actively interceding for their soul.
Prayer rewires your heart. It reminds you that every person you struggle to love is deeply loved by God. It shifts your perspective from seeing an opponent to seeing a beloved child of God. And when you see someone as God sees them, your love takes on a new depth and reality.
Prayer also equips you with patience and grace. It helps you lay down the desire for quick fixes and control, and instead lean into trust that God is at work, even when you can't see it. This is a quiet revolution happening inside you, one that prepares you to live out Jesus' radical command in everyday life.
Choosing the Way of Love
I invite you to step into this radical, countercultural way of living. It won't always be easy. There will be moments when your heart feels heavy and your patience wears thin. But remember, you are not alone. Jesus walks with you, empowering you to love in ways that defy the world's logic.
Begin the Citizen of a Different Kingdom reading plan or join the Loving Enemies challenge in Faithline. These journeys are designed to help you grow in this challenging but beautiful way of love. Choose to build a bridge where the world is demanding a wall.
By embracing this path, you become a living testimony of the gospel. Your love becomes a light in dark places, a balm for broken relationships, and a witness to the transforming power of Christ. When you love someone you disagree with, you don't just change them--you change yourself. And that is where true healing and hope begin.